hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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