barbara walters just said penis...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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