Too much gin, very little bucket
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
