i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
