Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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