Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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