just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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