The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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