You work out of a Hotel?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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