If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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