i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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