Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
