JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
