I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
