Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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