I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
