I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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