So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I love you. Go after that dick
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
