tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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