It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
