I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
