If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
