I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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