it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
what is it with giant penises always finding me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
