"it" just moved
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
