Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
