Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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