Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
