holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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