youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
