seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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