can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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