My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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