Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
