You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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