WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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