After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
