did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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