covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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