see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
