so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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