Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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