no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
