thus making me awesome and them whores
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
