Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
