woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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