I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
