Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
