It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
