life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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