Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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